There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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