OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
