Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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