so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i think i just lost a toe
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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