So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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