i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
