Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
