If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
