Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
