What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize