Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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