When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
