What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
