Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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