I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Screwed.edu
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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