porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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