I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
