70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
