Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.

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(817): View more from Texas

this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.

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(510): View more from California

On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.

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(928): View more from Arizona

Dude. Her vagina is a blender.

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(813): View more from Florida

Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner

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(734): View more from Michigan

she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything

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