Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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