Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
