It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
