U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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