Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm always down for nudity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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