she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
