Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
