if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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