alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
