It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
