TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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