Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
