Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
