Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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