We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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