Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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