Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
