Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
