It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
