I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
