Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
