This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is the high leading the old right now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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