Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
