Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
