That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
is it fun? or sober?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
