Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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