If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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