i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize