Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
its liver damage thursday
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
