i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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