You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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