I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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