I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
