I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
