if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
