Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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