allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
