Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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