So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
