I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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