I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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