Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
