I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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