I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
