Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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