Yo dont text me then not text me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
