how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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