I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
