I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I supernannyed him into submission
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