We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sober January is a disaster.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
