I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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