u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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