at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
