You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
