Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
