It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
